You don't have to tread on eggshells around the person with the addiction because it's understanding that they are gonna use, regardless of how you behave in that situation. They can't stop doing what they're doing, so you shouldn't have to change your behaviour. So you need to carry on as you would normally because they are gonna use and drink regardless.
Not keeping secrets for them. The more people that are aware of this situation, the better. Addiction is kind of hidden and people don't want other people to know, but actually the more family members that are involved and are aware of the situation, the less it enables the addict to manipulate you and everyone's in it together then, and also for that loved one that makes contact. It means that they don't feel alone in that, they've got the support of everyone else in their family. This isn't something to be ashamed of. It's nobody's fault. Secrets help keep people sick.
Having the courage to stand up and be able, Share the truth. What do they see? What is the reality of this situation? Not how the addict perceives it, but what is the reality for the family? What do they see? Reflect that back to them? What a very wise man, Mr. Morse taught me is that, you are trying to get these people in a corner. Where they can only make the right decision, to get help.
So don't make it easy for them to get their drink or drugs. Don't be the ones providing the source of money to do that. If they choose to then steal it, then the consequences would be on them, which is hard for loved ones to handle. But actually it's got to get really painful before somebody makes a change, and if you don't allow that to happen. If you try and make it easier for them, it may never happen and it addiction kills,
It's maybe a long road. It's not gonna change overnight. Some people are really ready to get help by the time they reach out to us. Some people really aren't, and it, there's no saying where this is gonna stop, bring the rest of the family in on.
Get support from them, but also get support from professional services because there are services out there for families. So you've got Al-Anon and Fam-Anon. There are more. There's quite a few around. Some of the local services offer family support. Somebody's addiction is out of everybody's control, that only that person can make the decisions to change and in the meantime, it's really important that those family members. You know, some support people that understand they've got people to lean on while they're going through this because it's such a difficult, painful thing to go through that it's, I would always say it's so important to make sure you are getting some support.