It's easy to believe that looking good, working hard, and presenting well could be enough, especially in contrast to living in the depths of addiction. But beneath the surface, dishonesty, greed and resentment can still pull us back. The journey to recovery is more than just getting sober, we must cross the bridge to normal living through building new healthy habits and paving new neurological pathways in the brain.
I could present nice in the meetings, tell you everything's wonderful. And on the surface, I looked good. I was in the gym all the time, so it was constantly looking for that bit of approval. I was quite dishonest at work, always nicking a pound note. I was in a sales job. I would nick other salesmen's leads. It was just that same kind of behavior. I'd just gone 180 degrees, so instead of using it on the street, I was using it in the office now.
So on the surface, you were looking like you'd kind of made it. You were successful. Anyone else in recovery would have looked up to you.
I've got a lot of pats on the back.
Yeah, you were saying all the right things.
I've never dealt with the resentment, so I was still very angry at a lot of the people in my life. And I've never dealt with any of that. I've just kind of masked over it. And everything's great now because I've been invited to the barbecue and my dad paid for me to go to treatment, and I'm really grateful for that. But underneath it all, there was still that bitterness there.