Getting into recovery isn't just about stopping using drugs and alcohol. We still must cross the metaphorical bridge in our minds to ensure we stay stopped and let go of resentment that can hold us back. The key is cultivating positive change in our minds so that we can replace old destructive behaviours.
So would it be fair for me to say that even though you weren't drinking, weren't taking drugs and you had a job, you were looking good to a degree, but you hadn't crossed the bridge, you were still on the other side of the bridge where addiction is. Tell us what happened, when did the relapse sort of occur?
So the first thing I did was steroids. I was in the gym all the time, I'd always been quite slim-legged. A friend at work was doing some steroids, he said, do you want a few? I thought, oh, well, they ain't really going to matter, are they? It's not coke or heroin or whatnot. They are mood and mind altering and they're quite euphoric when you're first taking them as well.
That kind of introduced me back into a crowd of people who were, other things were available, let's say. I'd just come undone quite quick on that point, really. I had a bit of money at the time, I thought, OK, I'm going to start selling drugs.
But it was never really about the money, it was kind of me trying to fit in again. It was just repeating that same old story that I always repeated.